29 4 / 2011
hawaiian shirts
Upon typing the words ‘Hawaiian shirt’ into my browser, I realized that I had neglected to include the ‘r’, which as anyone who has seen a Hawaiian shirt would agree, is quite apt. According to Wikipedia, the Hawaiian shirt is also known as the ‘aloha shirt’ which is also short for ‘ I enjoy masturbating at home by myself while eating cheeseburgers’. A reason to name an item of clothing ‘hello shirt’ has still not been found and despite recent studies there has not been any link between the ‘aloha shirt’ and any form of taste. The Hawaiian shirt is a style of dress shirt, according to Wikipedia it is for ‘casual’ or ‘informal wear’, which very convenient for the chronic wankers who wear these shirts around the house. Speaking of convenient; the heinous print patterns on Hawaiian shirts are great for masking cum stains.
If the owners of the Hawaiian shirt venture out doors they are usually met with an intense scalding from the sun, as they see very little of it in their natural environment. The owner does one of three things; retreats into house to start jerking off, lather their disgustingly flabby skin with oil/sunscreen, or nothing because they are to busy ‘bein’ a dude and soakin’ up some sweet uv rays.’ Yeah. Really. While Hawaii has brought the world many great things such as pretty ladies dancing in grass skirts it must be noted that this state is also responsible for flower leis and movies such as Blue Crush. Which begs the question, why haven’t we used the country as a nuclear testing facility yet?
08 3 / 2011
Q: You know you slept with that guy
A: And I intend to buy a vibrator purely for that reason
08 3 / 2011
“The ego is not master in its own house.”
—Sigmund Freud, A Difficulty in the Path of Psycho-Analysis
Permalink 56 notes
08 3 / 2011
Nothing like failed contraceptives to base a religious celebration around.
*Mary
**Virgin
***FAIL
08 3 / 2011
What about “kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not funny-looking guy who you could fuck” did you not understand?
08 3 / 2011
